Finding the Match (Is there a catch?)

When talk of a marriage comes up, there is so much excitement and joy that the main focus of possible financial strains (if any) is usually the matter of wedding and honeymoon costs.

But what’s next? An entire life together, all aspects of your life intertwining – including that of your finances. Whether you’re a strict budgeter, a somewhat reckless spender, or anything in between, the idea of sharing your financial plans is a daunting one.

Luckily, our job at Finpas is not only to handle the technical side of our clients’ accounts, but also to understand the emotion that comes with the money you earn: how the attitudes you have toward money came about, and what your goals and dreams for the future (and their subsequent costs) are. Having these conversations with an adviser and your partner can help you to understand each other’s financial mindset better, as well as unlock mutual goals for you to work towards as a team - which is always better than working alone.

Conversations to have at the "Engagement" stage

Of the most common issues that cause troubles in marriage, money is at the top of the list.

Many people wonder just how much their partner should know about their personal finances. When it comes to choosing to spend the rest of your life (and probably money) with that person, it certainly is a good idea to get as transparent and real as possible, especially when it comes down to:

DEBT & BANK ACCOUNTS

Your partner should at the very least be aware of all of your accounts, and you of theirs, as well as any debt that either of you may have incurred. In the case of debt, a way forward can be discussed together with an adviser to start paying down any liabilities (either individually or together), as well as the possible benefits or consequences of joining any assets at both of your current financial stages.

If you find that one of you tends to handle payments and bills more than the other, try to ensure that both of you follow an agreed-upon system of receipt-keeping, so that there is never confusion about where money has gone, and saving you and you partner from silly misunderstandings in the future.

ATTITUDES ABOUT MONEY & SPENDING, AND FINANCIAL COMMITMENTS

There are so many factors that contribute to how a person decides to spend and/or save their money. From the learned behaviours stemming from one's upbringing to different personality types; we all have a unique relationship with the money we make and what we do with it. This is why we at Finpas dig deeper with our couples entering marriage to understand where both of your attitudes about money come from, how they’ve developed, and how they can diverge between you as a couple. This dialogue is key to making sure that both of you have the best life possible with the money that you have and share.

When it comes to financial commitments outside of the relationship (for example: children from a previous marriage or a dependent parent), these can often be sensitive topics that are difficult to approach. However, if you have chosen a life partner with such a commitment, it is important for you to understand exactly how much these costs are and for how long they will be incurring - this is in fact part of your life now.

YOUR WILL/ESTATE PLAN

How you prepare for your financial future is again dependent on the different attitudes we have towards money - have you and your partner spoken about what kind of investments you would like to make individually or as a team for your future financial security? If you haven't, that's ok - not many couples have, and that's what we're here to do with you. One of the most exciting things about starting a significant partnership with someone is knowing that you have someone to share everything in life with - for the rest of your life. This necessitates a planning for and investment in your future together, which can be done by drawing up an estate plan and wills with the oversight of your trusted financial adviser. Both your estate plan and your personal Wills will need to be assessed and updated at least every 18 months for any major life changes (because trust us - they do not stop coming).

YOUR DREAMS AND RETIREMENT PLANS

What do you want to accomplish in life?

What experiences would you definitely like to have before you die? If you had only one month to live, what would you make sure to do in that time? Do you want to retire? What do you want to do in retirement? Where would you like to live?

All of these questions are probably very easy for you to answer yourself - but do you know the answers for your partner? Do they line up with your answers? Do you have the assets to save for their dreams and for yours? As simple as they may be to the individual, these questions are some that may make or break a relationship when it comes to your long-term objectives and dreams.

Steps to take before the Big Day

ADDRESS YOUR 'DEAL BREAKERS'

Unfortunately, there are some things in life that we just can't (or won't) deal with in a relationship - and usually for good reason. You have probably made sure that your life partner ticks all of your relative boxes, but have you thought about your own financial deal breakers? What are your attitudes when it comes to spending, saving and splurging, and how do they differ from your partners? It is important to sit with and address these questions yourself so that you are aware of your own boundaries. Then, sitting down with your significant other and initiating this conversation before marriage can save you both from having to bring up uncomfortable issues further down the line.

DISCUSS WHAT 'FINANCIAL SUCCESS' MEANS TO YOU

How do you measure 'success'? What does financial success look like to you? What does financial success for us look like to you? These are some fairly simple, yet important questions you can address with your partner that may lead to some unexpected

revelations or clashes. Be open-minded, but most importantly honest with each other when having these conversations. Ideally, broaching these topics are most beneficial when consulting with a professional adviser who can help to keep a level energy, and mediate a common ground or solution to issues and conflicts that may not have otherwise been found.

DRAW UP (& STICK TO) A COUPLE'S BUDGET

Whether you decide to keep separate or joint accounts (or both) within your marriage, drawing up a shared budget is essential to understanding how both of your financial goals fit in with your joint income and expenditure. Even though financial goals may be different for each partner, both of your dreams can be included in your overall financial plan, as well as mutual goals that you have for your relationship. To see all of your dreams and goals laid out together in a joint effort can be both rewarding and inspiring for you and your significant other, as you begin to see what success means to you as a team.

If you are interested in budgeting tips, you can find a detailed explanation for approaching your budget, as well as a ready-made spreadsheet with calculations in our Budgeting Blog!

DECIDE WHAT TYPE OF MARRIAGE STRUCTURE WILL WORK FOR YOU

There is no right or wrong when it comes to what the two of you decide to do with your accounts pre- and post-marriage... as long as you decide on these together and have mutual respect for what your partner feels is appropriate. Remember, money matters are not to be taken lightly, and one's personal choices for their finances usually has no relation to how they feel about their partner - keep this in mind when having these conversations.

If the two of you decide on working with a joint bank account going forward, then make sure that you do so with mutual consideration for each other's (and your joined) budgets, and ensure that their is mutual respect for the other's needs when it comes to spending. If the decision is to operate from your own individual bank accounts and to keep your finances separate, although not a bad choice, it is best to understand that there are consequences to having separate financial lives, and to approach your adviser with this topic. More often than not, investing or saving as a unit is more beneficial to you as a couple, and you will likely find that you will share a greater return on investments as well as a wider variety of investment options. If you decide to pool both of your incomes and share all expenses, this needs to be committed to entirely and it is crucial that both of you are completely honest about what this will mean for the two of you.

In all of these cases, however, you should be seeing an adviser together before getting married, who can professionally and warmly mediate between all of these topics and provide feedback and advice that is beneficial to both of you as individuals and as a team.

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Are you getting married or thinking of making a commitment to joining incomes with your partner soon? Or are you and your long-term partner having money spats? Our advisers are experienced with counselling our coupled clients through all sorts of money matters, and want to help you to experience the joy that can come with reaching your financial goals together.

We are offering 10 couples a free first-time consult following the release of this blog!

Get in touch today to enquire and to book a consult with Tony or Gwyn.